WHAT IS THIS THING CALLED GRIEVING?

WHAT IS THIS THING CALLED GRIEVING?

I do not understand it.

I do not like it!

Most of the time I REALLY HATE IT!!!!!

Honestly, once upon a time, everything was almost normal and okay in my Life.

Then, SHAZAM!!!!

Out of the clear blue sky,

my sometimes almost under control Life spiraled into a mess of chaos and grief.

In a seven month time frame, my dad suffered a heart attack, lived with me for two months, and then had heart surgery.

Next, Dad was in ICU for SIX WEEKS, trying to recover from surgery. It was an emotional roller coaster- yes he was healing, no he was not, he’s better, he’s worse, he’s dying, he’s getting better.

And then he died.

Three months later, my Mom joined him in Heaven.

Needless to say, my Life has been thrown into a storm and scattered to the winds.

For a girl who hates change, this is MISERABLE!!!

Because I am mourning the loss of my parents, the fact that Life will never be the same.

I grieve for those times lost to us when we pulled away from each other, for histories I never knew.

But I am also dealing with the consequences of their deaths.

Legalities, memorials.

A household of 55 years accumulated, and four lives worth of memories. (My parents’ and my brother’s and mine.)

Cards, letters, clothing, household items, photographs, dishes, linens and papers.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MANY PAPERS!!!!!!!!

I just want it all to stop!

How can I grieve when I have so much stuff to take care of!?!

I’m having to make important legal decisions when I can barely pick a restaurant to go eat at.

How do I balance MY Home, MY Family, and MY obligations when I now have so much more to deal with? As well as trying to take care of MYSELF!?! I am not alone in it. I have my brother’s help, my husband, my kids, my Friends.

But it is all OVERWHELMING!

I have no idea where to start.

My house is filled with THEIR stuff- papers, pictures, mementos. I have no idea where to even begin to organize let alone finish clearing their Home. It feels like I am erasing their LIFE together.

AND I DO NOT WANT THAT!

Emotionally, I am a mess. I know God is here helping me, giving me others to care for me, precious memories of my Mom and Dad. Some days I seem perfectly okay. Then it all comes slamming down on me. Overwhelmed by EVERYTHING! Crying. Needing to be held and comforted.

My body does not want to cooperate.

I’m having weird dreams.

Not sad, not nightmares, just . . . weird.

What’s that about?

And I am EXHAUSTED!

ALL THE TIME!!!!

(And did I mention crying?)

I know there are things that need to be taken care of.

I’m trying here,

but sometimes it feels almost pointless.

I DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH ALL THIS!!!!!!

I’m not mad at God. He blessed me with my Family and Loved Ones, and I thank Him for that.

And He’s the One getting me through this, comforting me, Loving me, giving me strength.

But I am overwhelmed, and feel like no one totally understands.

Shouldn’t I be doing better by now?

HOGSWALLOW!

I know each person grieves in their own way.

There is no time line for “getting better or adjusting.”

And we have to go through the grief to deal with it.

So though I hate it, grieving is important to help me deal with all the pain, loss, confusion and stress that I am going through. It’s okay to cry, to SLEEP, to not be functioning at full throttle.

(Oh yeah, my eyesight is blurry these days, and my brain is fuzzy a lot.)

Grief affects our emotions, our Spirit, our bodies.

You know what God wants of me right now?

To Love myself, to cut myself slack.

To lean into His arms for comfort and Love.

To let myself grieve in whatever way works for me,

and to let people know that I’m grieving and need extra Love right now.

This is all part of the process.

Along with the sadness, the loss, the confusion,

there is also Joy if I look. Memories of times together.

The knowledge that they are no longer suffering,

and are happy together in God’s Presence.

And I will get through this, grow stronger, and closer to God.

He’s gotten me through the last seven months.

He will get me through whatever is next.

What a relief to know that I am not alone!

God is always with me, always taking care of me, never not by my side.

Thank You, God. I Love You!

I write this post because, for me, writing and talking to God on paper/computer, help me to deal with what I am going through. I can break it down, write what I really am feeling, yet also open myself up to God, and what He is doing to help me along the way.

But I also write this because there are others out there, grieving and lost.

You are not alone, you are not going crazy, you are okay in a hurting, falling apart kind of way. So I guess you’re really not okay, but in an expected manner of not being okay because you have just suffered a loss and your entire Life has been shifted on its axis.

So let yourself grieve. Do not let others tell you how to mourn your loss. Do what you can to take care of yourself. Sleep, cry, don’t jump on your case. Talk with Loved Ones about what you’re going through, and ask for Love and support. But also take time to remember the Blessings you have had with your Loved Ones. And please know that God is with you, taking care of you as He always does.

I pray comfort and Peace for you this night.

Blessings, Billie

Resources:

  • Tears ‘Larme d’or’ by Anne Marie Zilberman
  • It Hurts, Crying with a Friend, No Rule Book and I Will Never Leave You (Hebrews 13:5) found on Pinterest
  • Physical Symptoms from loveliveson.com
  • I’m Unreliable . . . found on griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com
  • Jesus is with You ‘Loud and Clear” by RebeccaHudgens on deviantart

ARE YOU GRIEVING?

A TIME OF GRIEF

It’s Spring, a time for Hope and new Life.  Yet not everyone feels Joy at the moment.  Even amidst new Hope, there are times of grief and loss.

BE MERCIFUL TO ME, LORD, FOR I AM IN DISTRESS; MY EYES GROW WEAK WITH SORROW, MY SOULS AND BODY WITH GRIEF.”  -Psalm 31:9 (NIV)

 

GRIEF COMES FROM MANY THINGS

We associate grief with the loss of a Loved one through death, and we will discuss that as well.  But there are so many other ways it can come upon us.  It can be caused by a parent slipping away into dementia or the death of a Beloved pet.  It may be caused by a divorce, or the loss of a relationship or job.  Maybe you have to move out of your Home, or you develop food allergies and can’t have the food you Love any more.  You may have to move and leave your Friends and all you know behind, or maybe your Best Friend moves away.  Kids go off to college, or perhaps you’ve suffered a disability that changes your whole life from what you planned or expected.

Life is FILLED with things that tear away our hopes, and create major changes in our very existence.  So what do we do?  Are we “babies” or “sissies” when it upsets our lives, and plays havoc on our emotions?  CERTAINLY NOT!!!!

Anytime we loose something dear to us- a person, a dream, or anything else, we mourn the loss.  Truthfully, ANYTHING that involves change, stress or loss can affect our lives in much the same way as death can.  People don’t always see or recognize that but it affects our souls in much the same way, and they need to accept that.  AS DO YOU!  If you don’t accept this truth, if you fight it, deny its importance in your Life, you only make the healing process harder.  ACCEPT IT, and let others KNOW that you are going through a time of grieving.

When my daughter developed MAJOR food allergies, it took us all a while to realize that she was in a time of mourning for her old Life.  Much of our society is geared around food, and communal eating, but if those cause major health issues, it’s hard to adjust.  Plus, you can no longer have your favorite foods that brought you comfort.  We all had to learn to adjust, both our attitudes and our eating habits.  But she needed to have the time to mourn her losses, and come to terms with them before she could move on to the new “normal.”

Remember- loss comes in many forms, but they are all loss.  Treat yourself with compassion.

MY HEALTH MAY FAIL, AND MY SPIRIT MAY GROW WEAK, BUT GOD REMAINS THE STRENGTH OF MY HEART; HE IS MINE FOREVER.”  -Psalm 73:26 (NLT)

 

 

WHEN SOMEONE WE LOVE DIES

On Easter, a Mother of my Heart went Home to be with the Lord.  I am so glad to know that she got to Celebrate with Jesus on the day of His Resurrection but how sad to loose someone dear to us.  We grieve, we mourn, out whole world can be turned upside down, and it’s hard to know how to act.  It wasn’t until I had lived over half a century that I lost anyone really close to me to death.  Now, in the past three years, four very dear, precious women in my Life are gone, and I am still learning how to cope.

Don’t get me wrong- I KNOW my Loved ones are in Heaven, and I will get to see them again!  I especially LOVE the image of running to Christ at the end of this post! (Please go check out the website where I found it.  It is a lovely article.   http://theholyfaceofjesus.wordpress.com/2017/02/13/your-first-day-in-heaven/  )  But I MISS MY LOVED ONES!!!!!  I have regrets.  My emotions are all over the place, and it’s easier to get angry or cry.  And I don’t know what to do about the empty places in my heart, in my life, and in my schedule.

 

A TIME TO MOURN

You may feel the same way, so let me share some thoughts with you.  They apply to all kinds of grief, so go ahead and let yourself mourn.

  • OF COURSE YOU’RE SAD AND GRIEVING!  And it’s OKAY!  Give yourself permission to grieve, to have your emotions all wonky, to feel lost, and to cry.
  • DON’T LET ANYONE tell you HOW you should be dealing with it, or when you should be “all better!”  Everyone is different; everyone deals with loss in their own way, and in their own time.  People need to RESPECT that, whether it’s now, or in a month, or in a year, or ongoing.
  • It helps me knowing that God is close to the brokenhearted.  In my times of distress, anger, sorrow and hopelessness, He is with me- comforting me and giving me strength to carry on.
  • And God PROMISES that this time of mourning WILL pass, and we will once again be able to Rejoice.
  • My favorite Go-To verses in the Bible for trial and distress are found in Psalm 40.  As David was being hunted to death by Saul, he cried to the Lord in despair, but he also knew that God would see him through it because God had already done so many other times in his Life.  (*In my Bible, I see all the little notes of when I called to the Lord in my distress, and looking back, I SEE that He saved me, helped me through them, each and every time!)
  • If you have any regrets, (and most of us do), PLEASE let them go!  All they are doing is hurting you.  God forgives you, your Loved Ones who died are now in a place FILLED with Love and understanding.  So YOU NEED TO FORGIVE YOURSELF!!!!!  (But by all means, realize that moments are fleeting!  Spend time with those dear to you while you have the chance, and say and do what needs to be done!  Because there are no guarantees of how long any of us have on this earth!)
  • Do something to CELEBRATE the Life of your Loved One!  Yes- we miss them, we grieve and we are sad.  But how Blessed to have had those precious times with them!  REMEMBER those times, and the Love you shared.  Whether you’re looking at old photos or telling stories, making a quilt or going out to dinner, do something to commemorate a Life well lived!  (*When my adopted grandpa died, I watched “The Wizard of Oz” with my family because when I was growing up, we always watched it at Grandpa’s house because he had a COLOR TV!!!!)

All this is to say, PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!  You have lost something precious.  Your spirit is wounded, your life is all off kilter and changing, sleep schedules may be off, and all this takes a physical toll on your body as well as an emotional one.  It’s okay to take naps when you’re tired, cry when you’re sad, or forget things because your head is a muddle.  It takes time to reorient, and adjust to the new path you are on.

Utilize your support group of Friends and Loved Ones!  Let them help take care of you.  Sleep when you can, try and eat healthy, and do something nice for yourself.  Spend some time with God- even if it’s just to yell at Him, or to pour out in tears what your heart cannot say in words.  He is there to wrap His arms around you tight and give you comfort.

WHEN MY ANXIOUS INNER THOUGHTS BECOME OVERWHELMING, YOUR COMFORT ENCOURAGES ME.”  -Psalm 94:19

What are you grieving for in your Life?  How is it affecting you?  Please remember that God is with you, and that He has given you others to help you through this difficult time.  You do not have to go through it alone.  Allow yourself time to mourn; the healing will eventually come but for now, be gentle with yourself, and take care of yourself.

May God wrap His arms around you in comfort and Love,  –BILLIE

NOW MAY OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF AND GOD OUR FATHER, WHO LOVED US AND BY HIS GRACE GAVE US ETERNAL COMFORT AND A WONDERFUL HOPE, COMFORT YOU AND STRENGTHEN YOU IN EVERY GOOD THING YOU DO AND SAY.”  -2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 (NLT)

RESOURCES:

Crying Girl and Two Lives images found on Pinterest

I Got You picture from ValeriaB29 on Pray With Me

Jesus Comforting a Girl at sketchesbypaul.wordpress.com

Hold My Hand Lord from photobucket

Jehovah is Near the Broken Hearted TheoSharesPicturesJW

Your First Day in Heaven from a lovely post on theholyfaceofjesus.wordpress.com